I can imagine some rough buddies of mine saying “Yeah I’ll talk to everyone like Barney does.” With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you. But these same guys welcome their good friends with huge smiles, laughter, big manhugs. They make it “cool” with a few insults along with their big smiles, irregardless, they’ve shown the world who’s important to them, who’s side they’re on.

My friend Kate on the phone let someone know she was on their side, all the way on their side. The best thing that could happen with politics at work would be to have everyone on your side, at least sometimes! It is possible to build and deepen alliances all around us, all the time, with simple friendliness. When problems arise handle them humbly, intelligently; powerfully if necessary. There are crises that can require a big skill set, but every mother’s child can make steady progress on this skill set with adequate training, inspiration and support.

Photograph of factory workers stringing beans, Baltimore, 1909

Photograph of boys in a cigar factory, Indianapolis, IN, 1908

A voice like my friend was using is one of the most important tools in that skill set, a voice that could ease political squabbles before they happen; a voice that builds a trust that squabbles won’t emerge from. We don’t hear those generous tones of voice in this world so often because, frankly, we still live in a half-civilized society. Two hundred thousand years ago our direct homo sapiens ancestors made cooked food, music, art and buried their dead. Nine thousand years ago the French were still cavemen (with nicer caves than Americans though).  Only one hundred years ago it was common for factories to be filled with children in Europe and the U.S.

Human history is full of soaring art, incredible music, spirituality, culture; great kindness, friendship and families. It may still be more full of brutality though, because we have had to learn to survive brutal conditions for millenia. In reaction to brutal conditions that harshness came into our various human cultures. We are still waking up.  In lots of ways humanity is waking from its past quickly and brilliantly, and if we want to do some good in our workplaces we have to stay in close contact with the sectors that are waking up: the best writers, singers, researchers, activists, spiritual leaders and more.

It is this harsh history that makes people at work, or anywhere, hard to deal with. As children they never asked for whatever yelling, hitting, or disrespect they received. They were ALL beautiful kids, born in to this rough world and soon to get rough edges on them.
We can respond to all of them however with our warmest voice. Humor can buff off the roughest edges. Listening can buff off even rougher edges.

In long talks with murderers, molesters and rapists in detention centers, tough schools, psychiatric hospitals, and ERs I have been repeatedly astounded at the decent person that could be uncovered through simple decent treatment. The tenacity of their humanity, despite the nightmares they had lived through – and perpetrated – astounded and humbled me. Brutal environments pulled them in and there was not a place to escape. Tougher, braver, kinder, more inspired workers in compassion-based professions will create lots of ways to escape, and eventually eliminate brutal environments.

Bolstered by enough of what is brilliant and beautiful in this world and in our closest relationships we human beings can handle all the challenges of tough clients, situations and politics. Call us up and let’s get you BOLSTERED!

 

It is a very complicated time to raise a child. Brand new opportunities and dangers crop up in every direction, every moment it seems. Our society could do a far better job of helping parents, but fortunately excellent help is out there if we’ll do some digging. Hard as it is to believe sometimes, there is always a way to make things better. We human beings have such an endless reach that there’s always the possibility of more fun, more trust, more cooperation, and more peace. Contact us for more information.

Just a couple of very important parenting resources are Hand in Hand Parenting, and “The War Against Parents”, by Sylvia Ann Hewlett and Cornel West. “The War Against Parents”, though from 1998, is an indispensable resource because it so clearly explains the sweep of economic and historical forces that have created the seeming chasm between today’s parents, grandparents, teens and children. Read some of it here. Hand in Hand Parenting is an amazing organization in California whose affection, respect for and skills with children are unmatched.

See their video below.

His Holiness the Dalai Lama is more impressive every time I look into his work. These 1981 quotes offer a vision of forgiveness that is purer than anything I have ever heard.

The people we have a hard time with at work have typically not been treated as “precious treasure” too often, in the Dalai Lama’s words. We are probably not suffering from an over-abundance of that ourselves, but workplace politics can be greatly improved if we take an activist stance towards the environment there. If we infuse our work relationships with respect, humor and warmth we create a good working environment for ourselves.  We make our moment to moment work experience better.

People will respond sometimes with betrayals, coldness, ugliness.  That is where the Dalai Lama’s wisdom is crucial.  We all grew up with too much coldness, betrayal and ugliness in our lives, and it’s going to creep out.  Countering that with warmth and generosity can heal the coldness, and prevent betrayals. Supporting ourselves with great relationships in our lives gives us the strength to face betrayals and tensions. This subject is obviously far more complicated, so if this is an issue currently in your work speak with us for a detailed response to your particular situation. Another recent inspiration on this topic was Morgan Freeman’s performance in Invictus.

Freeman, playing Mandela, truly greeted a white South African woman who came to his office with the afternoon tea as a ‘precious treasure.’ Such great charm and kindness can overcome any politics, and made him the last African leader whose influence could pervade that whole continent.

The movie was also valuable in offering a picture of how Mandela used poetry to maintain his vision and generosity of character.

(A brilliant set of conversations between the Dalai Lama and Paul Ekman that explores forgiveness, hostility, relationships et al, are in the book Emotional Awareness: Overcoming the Obstacles to Emotional Balance and Compassion.)

Maya KNOWS what love has to do with it. And Sophie B. Hawkins sang that “only love can make a miracle of life.” Excuse my corny self. Excuse me, but I want miracles in our schools, and social service agencies. I want patients in hospitals to have their healing sped up and their hope restored by the enormous kindness they receive with their medical services. I want our parents, teachers, counselors and police to be so respectful, so warm and wise, that our young people are not getting pumped into a 100 billion dollar prison system!!! I want a generation of progressive politicians that are not intimidated by scared and angry conservatives that think money will solve all of their problems–progressive politicians that can move forward their vision of a great, loving and fair society in the face of the harshest attacks–and find true rapport, common ground and common goals with their now hopeful former attackers.

Keeping our hearts that open in our work requires a basic change in how we think about ourselves. We have to equate the beauty of our best dreams with the quality of the support, training and inspiration that we receive.

For example: a teacher’s vision of the life-changing things that could happen in her classroom moves her to regularly travel to trainings by the most inspired educators she can find, moves her to read biographies about the leaders whose successes she finds most uplifting, moves her to play the most powerful music she knows in her car, earpiece and classroom every day.

A triathlete will consume four thousand calories per day to keep up with the demands of their sport. A caring police officer surrounded by cynical co-workers, a counselor of battered children, an inner city principal: all need their four thousand calories of uplift, of loyalty, of love, of awareness of the sacred in the world, of histories of struggle and triumph.

The work of the Institute for Basic Change is to assist people in compassion-based professions: education, medicine, corrections, social work etc. Doing something because you care is an enormous gift to the world, and you should be backed up in that effort. That includes training to do your work well; and training on keeping your life good, very good, as you overcome a variety of challenges. The untold stories Maya Angelou is talking about are your daily questions, struggles, triumphs. ALL of which impact the quality of your work. All of which are important.

César Chavez: Founder of the United Farm Workers' Union

Those stories should be told to, and heard by, the best people you know. Your work matters that much. Your potential to improve your life and the world around you is endless.  You have to struggle to reach that potential, but there is powerful assistance around to be had.  Imagine that you knew that your daughter would grow up to be a Sojourner Truth, or that your son would grow up to be a César Chavez. What resource would you deny them? You would do everything in your power to see that they received every possible inspiration, education, support, and spiritual-artistic-emotional resource–everything in your power.

We typically have a hard time thinking about our potential that way though, with that level of generosity and hope. And that makes perfect sense given the generations before us that were raised to work with their hands in farms and factories. All of our stories could not matter, absolutely could not. Survival was too difficult. The hours needed to get all the work done were too long. The people that survived best were able to grind through the most hours. Undone work was the big problem, and you had to keep those untold stories to yourself. The world then seemed like it could handle that grinding.

We are in an age now where we see that the earth cannot. Coping with rising world temperatures, exploding world populations, wars over resources, clashing cultures all require an entirely new level of sensitivity, education, inspiration and communication.

A street outside of the Al Sabah newspaper office in the Waziryia district of Baghdad, Iraq

The grinding approach to life brought modern humans through 200,000 years, grinding through natural resources, and through indigenous populations. U.S. tanks are grinding down the streets of Baghdad and Kabul right now.

Changing this big picture starts with our untold stories, right now, right on your street, in your kitchen, in our classrooms, hospital rooms, and social service agencies. When we build a society where our individual stories matter, where we are inspired and helped and trained to care and succeed in our personal stories, then we can build societies that don’t grind up our natural resources. We’ll be able to stop grinding up our young men in the U.S.’ 100 billion dollar prison industry. Their personal stories of the anger that led them to prison will be listened to and strong people will help.

Sustaining Yourself through ANYTHING: Another Storyteller, Treasures on your Fingertip


Alice Walker said this in a public conversation at the 92nd Street YMCA, with Wilma Mankiller and Gloria Steinem. Given the great richness of her work her statement is believable. What could the miraculous do for hard-pressed teachers, nurses, youth workers? Taking some quiet, slow breaths; taking a step back inside ourselves from stressful situations; can be priceless if we allow ourselves to experience that fully. The jabber in our heads can be as loud as in the craziest work situation, and we have the resources in ourselves to step away. If Alice Walker can come up with a luminous titles like “We are the ones we have been waiting for: Inner Light in a Time of Darkness” and “Anything We Love Can Be Saved”, she knows something. Some of earlier work, while celebrated, was actually too full of pain for me to read in my thirties. I could work in a homeless shelter and have conversations with the men there that were honest and very rewarding, but her stories were too hard to get through; not so today. Alice Walker has wrestled mightily with her despair and now has a long, deep view of this miraculous life we all share. Fortunately she shares that view with us widely through her work.

We can take a step back from any situation, breathe, and feel the basic goodness of living in a more or less healthy body. We can look around, even in grim places, and see a child playing, someone laughing, the moon peeking through the clouds, a beautiful tree. If no one is smiling or laughing we can walk up to somebody and get them started, any time we want. We can always choose not to let the drama in our heads and in our lives sweep us away. We can always find something better and beautiful if we take some time to look.

Treasures on your fingertip: We can step back from any situation with a breath, with a laugh with a friend or a look at the sky. Or we can step back into the most powerful music, literature, poetry, sermon or speech of our life with the touch of a button. With an I-pod, or your telephone with a bluetooth earpiece, the world’s most inspired and effective activists, leaders, poets, writers, singers, composers can be sweeping you away, at any time. Some discipline is required in choosing the most powerful resources for yourself.

Our society roars at us to choose numbness, shopping, high sugar and high fat treats, disconnection: Mmmmmm a couple of blu-ray blockbusters, a pizza, Coke, chips, ice cream, a pack of smokes, Absolut for dessert: an evening in paradise! The next day we feel slow, stupid, kind of sick. We get to work late. Our pants won’t button, and nothing sounds better than more grease, carbs and caffeine for our late breakfast, Mmmmmmm. Neuroscientists have found that street drugs, alcohol, caffeine, nicotine, salt, saturated fat, refined starch and refined sugars cause cravings because they imbalance the body’s chemistry. If you cut back on ANY of these you have drug withdrawal symptoms because all of them function as drugs in your brain. You are visiting a site that deals with preventing burnout, and unless you have vast self-discipline, or outstanding support for making healthy choices, you have had a long dance with alcohol, caffeine, nicotine, salt, saturated fat, carbs and sugars. Sorry. I shudder, and grieve, to think of the huge number of nights where I handled work stress by sitting alone, shoving endless garbage down the pie hole and watching garbage on some kind of screen: not much of a reward for a hard working teacher or social worker.

One of the resources that breaks that suicidal cycle is 4000 calories of inspiration, via computer chip or internet. Fun, rewarding, beautiful group activities are incredible as well, but it’s the times that we are alone that can lead to self-destructive responses to stress. The most powerful positive spiritual, artistic, musical, literary, and poetic resources that you can get your hands and heart on, can be on your phone or I-pod, and in your ear at every spare moment. You have a life-changing soul to care for. You chose your profession so that you could do something important, something beautiful. The thoughts and success stories of the people doing the most beautiful work, and art, can be in our ear, lifting us up throughout our days, buffering us from the pressures that lead us towards self-destructive habits.