A key skill:  I was speaking with my friend Kate on the phone the other day.  She had some other people to speak with briefly at one point, and then probably a child approached her. Kate’s voice switched immediately to this absolutely beautiful welcoming warmth. When she got back to me she had a pressing question and I never found out if it was a child who she spoke to like that.  There was not a cootchy-coo tone that would have probably been used with a child, just the beautiful welcome.  It struck me though, how much impact that such unguarded warmth could have on work relationships.

I can imagine some rough buddies of mine saying “Yeah I’ll talk to everyone like Barney does.” With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you. But these same guys welcome their good friends with huge smiles, laughter, big manhugs. They make it “cool” with a few insults along with their big smiles, irregardless, they’ve shown the world who’s important to them, who’s side they’re on.

My friend Kate on the phone let someone know she was on their side, all the way on their side. The best thing that could happen with politics at work would be to have everyone on your side, at least sometimes! It is possible to build and deepen alliances all around us, all the time, with simple friendliness. When problems arise handle them humbly, intelligently; powerfully if necessary. There are crises that can require a big skill set, but every mother’s child can make steady progress on this skill set with adequate training, inspiration and support.

Photograph of factory workers stringing beans, Baltimore, 1909

Photograph of boys in a cigar factory, Indianapolis, IN, 1908

A voice like my friend was using is one of the most important tools in that skill set, a voice that could ease political squabbles before they happen; a voice that builds a trust that squabbles won’t emerge from. We don’t hear those generous tones of voice in this world so often because, frankly, we still live in a half-civilized society. Two hundred thousand years ago our direct homo sapiens ancestors made cooked food, music, art and buried their dead. Nine thousand years ago the French were still cavemen (with nicer caves than Americans though).  Only one hundred years ago it was common for factories to be filled with children in Europe and the U.S.

Human history is full of soaring art, incredible music, spirituality, culture; great kindness, friendship and families. It may still be more full of brutality though, because we have had to learn to survive brutal conditions for millenia. In reaction to brutal conditions that harshness came into our various human cultures. We are still waking up.  In lots of ways humanity is waking from its past quickly and brilliantly, and if we want to do some good in our workplaces we have to stay in close contact with the sectors that are waking up: the best writers, singers, researchers, activists, spiritual leaders and more.

It is this harsh history that makes people at work, or anywhere, hard to deal with. As children they never asked for whatever yelling, hitting, or disrespect they received. They were ALL beautiful kids, born in to this rough world and soon to get rough edges on them.
We can respond to all of them however with our warmest voice. Humor can buff off the roughest edges. Listening can buff off even rougher edges.

In long talks with murderers, molesters and rapists in detention centers, tough schools, psychiatric hospitals, and ERs I have been repeatedly astounded at the decent person that could be uncovered through simple decent treatment. The tenacity of their humanity, despite the nightmares they had lived through – and perpetrated – astounded and humbled me. Brutal environments pulled them in and there was not a place to escape. Tougher, braver, kinder, more inspired workers in compassion-based professions will create lots of ways to escape, and eventually eliminate brutal environments.

Bolstered by enough of what is brilliant and beautiful in this world and in our closest relationships we human beings can handle all the challenges of tough clients, situations and politics. Call us up and let’s get you BOLSTERED!